Strategies to Help Children Navigate Big Feelings

Stress, anxiety, frustration, restlessness, anger, jealousy, sadness, fear, and guilt—what do all of these have in common? They make up some of those BIG feelings children commonly experience as they grow into adolescence. As parents, witnessing your children moving through these big emotions can lead to some pretty intense feelings for you as well! So, what can be done to help when big feelings arise? This blog highlights strategies children can use to become more emotionally aware and provides tools they can add to their emotional regulation toolkits!

The Building Blocks of Emotional Awareness

Before diving into strategies for managing big emotions, it is first imperative to develop an awareness of what those emotions actually are, when they strike, and how each individual reacts to them. Even at a young age, there are ways to begin to strengthen the awareness of one’s emotions.

Visual prompts offer a great opportunity for children to name their feelings as they begin to become more emotionally aware. Feeling face charts can help children connect the way they feel to the proper word to describe it. Once a child can actually name what they are feeling, they will be more empowered to communicate their big emotions that arise, and you as the parent will be better able to help them!

Books and movies can be another tool to assist children in understanding what their big feelings are. Inside Out is an excellent Pixar movie that turns emotions into characters. Books like In My Heart: A Book of Feelings also help represent and describe the many feelings humans go through! There are also some great social media accounts, one example being Big Little Feelings, that aim to empower parents to help their children navigate all of their emotions.

When your child is going through a big feeling, help them to name the feeling, and be sure to validate it. Children need to know that all emotions are okay to feel and have a sense of security in doing so. Once this groundwork is laid, your focus can shift toward helpful strategies to manage these emotions!

Coping Mechanisms: Creating an Emotional Regulation Toolkit

Once your child has a better understanding of their emotions, they can then start to build a personal toolkit of ways to cope with these feelings. Remember, each child is different, and what works for one kid may not work as well for another. Below are some starting points to try out!

Mindfulness and breath work can be extremely powerful tools to use when stress, frustration, and anger come around. These practices encourage more self-awareness in times of calmness, so that whenever big emotions arise they can be of help! Check out our previous blog titled “Stress-Free Ways to Incorporate Breath Work into Kids’ Daily Lives” for specific ways to integrate breath work into your children’s day.

Exercise may be one of the most effective ways to deal with emotions when they get big and scary. Movement, in whatever form your child prefers, will allow them to clear their heads enough to be able to circle back and more gracefully deal with their feelings. Going for a run or walk, having a dance party to some favorite tunes, biking, playing a sport, or spending time in nature are all ways to get the body moving!

It is also important to cultivate some emotional outlets with these strategies. A Calm Down Kit is a physical bag or basket with items that nurture the senses and help calm the nervous system. Read our previous blog called Creating the Ultimate Calm Down Kit: Using the Five Senses to Reset and Regulate to learn how to create your own. Allowing space for creativity can also be of use. Drawing, painting, dancing, singing, creative writing, and journaling are all great creative outlets to help process big emotions strike! We also have a blog titled Encouraging Children to Find their Voice Through Journaling with tips to help jumpstart journaling.

There is no single “best” way to deal with all of the big emotions children will inherently encounter as they grow, but through communication, practice, and trial and error, you and your child can work together to create a personalized set of strategies and tools to maneuver all of life’s twists and turns.

Written by Laine J.

Cultivating Balance: Strategies for Students to Avoid the Hustle and Embrace Intentional Living

The hustle culture narrative in our modern day society suggests that success can only be attained by working long, exhaustive hours, and that burnout and stress are a ‘normal’ consequence. With the rise in social media influencing and tendency for everyone to play the comparison game, hustle culture has become a pervasive aspect in our lives. While it deeply impacts our adult population, the effects certainly trickle down to students and can have damaging effects, like anxiety, disengagement, and guilt. Working hard is important, BUT not at the expense of health and wellbeing. Students must find opportunities between the constant "go, go, go" to slow down, unwind, and hone in on what is important each day. This blog dives into some simple methods you can use with your kids to introduce a healthy school/life balance, move through overwhelming feelings, and escape the clutches of the "hustle."

Set Boundaries

As your students moves through elementary and secondary school, part of your role as a parent is to help guide them on what they can take on within and outside of school. It has become increasingly popular for kids to "overload" their plate with AP classes, volunteering, and multiple extracurricular activities. Add in a robust social life, and this can be a recipe for stress, anxiety, and burnout. Work with your child to set a realistic goal of what classes they can take and how many activities they can manage in their schedule. It may help to create a visual weekly calendar with all of their commitments so they can see just how much free time they will end up having. Our past blog also details some tips and tricks on how to best structure a balanced after-school routine.

Encourage Self-Reflection

When life is moving at a far too rapid pace, there isn't really time to stop and reflect. Self-reflection is important because it offers an opportunity to reprioritize, learn and grow. Pick a time once a week for your child to journal about their feelings regarding daily responsibilities, academics, social life, and more. If journaling isn't their style, encourage a few minutes at the end of each week to have them check in with you instead. Questions like "Was there anything you felt particularly worried about this week?" or "What is your number one stressor right now?" may help you and your child start to identify areas that are weighing on them more heavily than others, and thus allow you to make some changes or set some boundaries to alleviate some of that stress.

Utilize Mindfulness Practices

One key aspect of avoiding negative effects of stress is to simply notice when it creeps up and practice some self-regulation techniques when it does. Getting into the habit of a daily mindfulness practice allows students to witness their thoughts, emotions, and feelings on a consistent basis. Mindfulness practices, like breath work, yoga, and meditation, also aid in living each day with more intention and less stress. In our past blog, we go over some tools to use with kids of any age when stress gets high! At Peak Academics, we also offer an integrative service that combines traditional academic tutoring with coaching in self-regulation practices.

Incorporate Downtime

In a society that often "praises" the hustle, it is easy to feel guilty or lazy for taking some time for yourself. However, burnout can greatly affect creativity, mindset, and intrinsic motivation. While some students have no issue finding joy in downtime, others may find it difficult to set aside their responsibilities for time to relax and reset. If your child falls in the latter category, sit down with them each week and try to schedule in a time for rest and relaxation where all other responsibilities can wait, even if just for a bit! In a recent blog, we discuss the importance of incorporating downtime into a daily or weekly routine and some methods to do so.

In a culture of near-constant busyness, setting boundaries, encouraging self-reflection, utilizing mindfulness practices, and incorporating downtime into our lives are all essential components of achieving a balanced and healthier approach to life and education. It is not about abandoning hard work but rather redefining it, emphasizing the importance of self-care, and finding a more intentional and sustainable way to navigate the challenges of our modern world.

Written by: Laine J.

THE IMPORTANCE OF DOWNTIME IN YOUR CHILD’S DAILY ROUTINE

During the months of August through May students’ days are filled with a combination of school and non-school related activities from homework and projects to sports, chores/errands, play dates, extracurricular activities, and hobbies. Many days are filled with tightly wound schedules with little room for downtime — even on the weekends. During the summer months, schedules can easily be filled with things to do and places to be all day long. Regularly scheduled downtime can easily get overlooked or pushed to the bottom of a priority list. While this is true, it is important that children are still given the opportunity to explore this uninterrupted time.

What is Downtime and Why Is It Important?

Lindsey Frey explains that “Downtime or quiet time is unstructured time, away from screens or other stimulating play, to allow kids to engage in independent activities” (Frey, 2023, para. 4). Kids of all ages might have difficulty finding activities that do not involve other people or electronic devices. However, this unstructured, quiet downtime allows individuals time to process new information and experiences, independently explore interests, and building executive functioning skills.

Incorporating Downtime into Your Schedule

Even if you are an expert in rest and relaxation yourself, your child might not have the tools to master downtime right away — and that is absolutely okay! Just like any new skill, your child may need guidance, practice, and modeling when they first start routine downtime. Here are three quick tips for implementing downtime into your child’s daily routine:

1. Set a timer and start in small increments! Make sure your child has time to explore their interests, but give them a set time to practice time management and organizational skills. You can start with a small amount of time and slowly build their stamina as your child is ready. Don’t forget to celebrate their wins! For older students, a set amount of time will allow them to plan how they would like to spend their downtime.

2. Create a choice board or lists! This gives your child the opportunity to make a choice and helps them understand the boundaries of downtime. It is a great way to help children with task initiation if they are unsure of how to start. Sometimes as children get older, it can get harder to manage schedules, assignments and tasks. Creating a list, or specifically a to-do list, can promote independence and college/career readiness.

3. Change the environment as needed! For the younger children, this could mean playing independently in different areas of the house or even outdoors. For older children, it may be reading, writing, etc. in a public setting such as a library, park, or coffee shop.

Starting a Routine This summer

Although summer break can easily be filled with camps, vacation, and special activities, family schedules are usually a little more relaxed than during the school year. Summer is a wonderful time to incorporate routine downtime so children master the concept before the upcoming school year. For younger children downtime could look like reading/listening to books, playing independent games inside or outside, mindfulness activities, playing with chalk, bubbles, or play-doh, watching the clouds, coloring, or drawing. For teenagers it could look like reading, journaling, mindfulness/yoga, nature walks/hikes, puzzles, rest/sleeping in, creating and following routines, adult coloring books, and even listening to podcasts/books.

A healthy combination of playtime, downtime, and family time, or PDF, will have a lasting impact on your child! One of the best things you can do for your child during downtime this summer is to model and set an example for them. Who knows, you may even discover a hidden talent or hobby yourself!

References:

Frey, Lyndsey. “Busy Schedule? The Benefits of Daily Downtime for Kids May Surprise You.” Inside Children’s Blog, 19 Mar. 2023, www.akronchildrens.org/inside/2023/04/03/busy-schedule-the-benefits-of-daily-downtime-for-kids-may-surprise-you.

Written by Ami Z.

7 Ways to Reinforce Executive Functioning Skills this Summer

As the final school bells ring and the summer heat kicks in, many families are gearing up to enjoy a summer break filled with quality time, relaxation, and planned activities. Before school ends, many teachers give tips, tricks, and resources to avoid the “summer learning slide”, referring to a student’s loss of reading and math skills during the summer months. While these resources often include practice pages and suggestions to maintain academic progress, it is equally important for students to exercise the executive functioning skills they frequently practiced through school systems, structures, and routines. Here are 7 ways these skills can be easily incorporated into your student’s summer break through a combination of day-to-day routines and fun, engaging activities.

Get organizeD

During the summer months, many families experience less structure in their daily schedules and may fill their time with non-routine events such as camping, vacations, playdates, summer camps, and more. This transition can be challenging for students who may have relied on visual supports or daily routines during school. You can support this transition at home by using organization/planning tools to keep track of important dates and information, setting timers as needed to display how much time your child has left to complete a task, and helping your child create morning/afternoon checklists to stay organized and keep track of any routinely scheduled tasks that need to be completed.

Be mindful

Another way to practice executive functioning skills is through daily mindfulness exercises. Angela Pruess, a licensed clinical family therapist, highlights eight benefits and examples of mindfulness for children. Practicing mindfulness can look like daily meditation, “down time” or “quiet time”, yoga, nature walks, spending time outdoors, mindfulness apps, blowing bubbles, coloring, journaling, and listening to music.

Play, play, play

Playing games is a great way to practice skills like planning, memory, self-regulation, flexibility, self-control, organization, and goal setting. Specific games like Monopoly, Uno, Bingo, Connect 4, Jenga, Mancala, Memory, Battleship, and Guess Who can work on these skills. Prepped Learning offers additional suggestions for games to improve executive functions. Not only are games a great way to improve critical thinking skills, but they are also a fun way to make connections and create memories with your child.

Create a summer activity wish list

Have your child create a summer “wish list” of realistic activities and goals for this summer. Goals can range from “read 10 books” to “see a new movie”. Then, encourage your child to plan out and set a timeline to accomplish each task. You can add this to your family organizational system or create a personal calendar with your child so they can view and self-assess their progress.

Join an organized sport or activity group

Your child could join a summer camp, team, or program to increase their team building and executive functioning skills. Many sports and activity groups (band, music, theater, martial arts, etc.) help children develop skills such as organization, self-awareness, self-regulation, attention, memory, vision, and goal setting.

Run a lemonade stand

Your child can plan an activity with friends, family, or independently to run a lemonade stand. They can create a list of materials, set goals of how much lemonade to sell, practice following multi-step directions while making the lemonade, organize their stand, modify plans as needed, and improve task initiation skills. This can also give an opportunity for children to reflect, using developing their metacognitive skills, and problem solve for any necessary improvements.

Create checklists for planned activity days

If you have an activity planned, such as a beach day, vacation, camping trip, etc., you can ask your child to get involved in the planning process by creating a checklist of necessary items to pack. Not only does this checklist help create responsibility, but it also works to improve skills like planning, organization, and prioritization.

Whether your summer has a jam-packed schedule, or is filled with rest and relaxation, there are many fun, and exciting ways your child can continue to develop their executive functions and prevent the summer slide!

Written by Ami Z.

Stress-Free Ways to Incorporate Breath Work into Kids' Daily Lives

Learning practical self regulation tools while young equips kids to manage big emotions and stressful situations throughout their entire life. Deep breathing is one of the easiest, most effective tools that kids can use to self regulate. Breathing exercises activate the parasympathetic nervous system, the part of the nervous system that controls reactions to stress. These exercises help relax the body, refocus the mind and reduce anxiety. Teaching your kids deep breathing exercises in an intentional, personalized manner will encourage the daily use and auto-retrieval when stress gets high.

Teach the concept in a calm moment

When emotions are running high, kids’ brains are not in a state to learn a new self-regulation tool. Teaching breath work during calm moments allows children to receive the information in a positive, relaxed manner. The more they practice breathing exercises while they are calm, the higher the chance they will pull on these tools when they are experiencing big feelings of anger, sadness or worry.

Model deep breathing during stressful times

Modeling deep breathing can be a great way to demonstrate how and when to use a relaxation technique. If you, as a parent, are experiencing a big emotion, you can talk through your process of calming down out loud and incorporate breath work. One example might be, “I’m feeling so frustrated right now because traffic is moving so slowly. I’m going to try to relax and take 5 deep belly breaths while I wait at this red light.” You might find that your children begin to breathe with you as you model the behavior.

Use Visual Cues around your home

Sprinkling visual cues around your home helps teach and remind kids about breathing techniques. You can hang a breathing chart on the refrigerator or place a custom deck of mindfulness cards on your kids’ desks. There are even tasteful pieces of art you can display in your family room that subtly reinforce the importance of deep breathing. Simple daily reminders will signal your children’s brains and remind them about the tools they can use for self regulation.

Find ways to make it Enjoyable

Kids of all ages enjoy learning new breathing practices in a fun way. Little ones love to use their imagination and more willingly participate in activities with motivators, like bubbles or stuffed animals. Older kids appreciate the use of scents, such as essential oils or flowers, and guided meditations with themes of interest.

Create a daily routine

One of the best ways to normalize the concept of deep breathing is to create a family routine. Every morning before breakfast or each night at bedtime, you can share a mindful minute with a deep breathing exercise. Find a moment in your family’s schedule that feels natural and manageable and hold it as a sacred practice. This can be a bonding experience and help to create a peaceful home.

Written by Krista G.

Encouraging Children to Find Their Voice through Journaling

Guiding our children in finding their unique voice is one of the most important jobs we have as parents. This helps kids build self-esteem and confidence. Of course, there are many ways to encourage voice throughout daily life, but in this blog we focus in on using journal writing as a method for kids to find their voice. The process of writing itself is unique, in that it forces a thoughtful and slower-processing of feelings, emotions, and thoughts. Giving your child a journal is a great way to allow them to experience this. Ultimately, a consistent journal writing practice can help children find their own unique, creative voice in a space free of judgement or rules. Through writing, they can learn to dream, goal set, work through internal conflicts, and become a more assertive and confident individual. Here are some considerations to make when introducing journal writing to your child:

Include Them

Planning a special outing for your child to shop for journaling supplies will add a layer of excitement! You can encourage them to pick out a journal that speaks to them and inspires them to write. You can also invite them to pick out a special pack of colored pens and some items to add creative flair, such as stickers, to make it an enjoyable process.

Keep it Stress Free

We do not want the idea of journal writing to become “just another homework assignment.” Work together to come up with how and when your child will use their journal so that it fits into their daily or weekly schedule and is something that brings them joy. Please remember, journal writing is a safe space for children to be FREE from the rules of spelling and punctuation. It should also be a personal experience for them, not one with you. When your child is able to feel free from stress, more fluency in their writing will follow.

Use Prompts

Children often find it difficult to look down at a blank page and just begin pouring out their deepest thoughts and emotions. Prompts can be a powerful tool in helping your child begin to process their thoughts and find their voice on paper. Using prompts that are written in first person enables the writer to connect more easily with the questions. Here are ten prompts that might be particularly beneficial for your children to use in their initial journal writing:

1. What makes people happy? Which of those things makes me happy?

2. What job would I like to have as an adult and why?

3. How do I know if someone is a good friend to me?

4. What is something I would like to get better at and why?

5. Who is my hero and why?

6. What is my favorite ___________ (insert any noun, place, food, etc. here) and why?

7. What do I love about my family?

8. What has been the happiest day of my life and why?

9. Who is my favorite character (books, TV, movie, etc.) and why?

10. What would my dream vacation entail and why?

Highlight Your Child’s Unique Passions

Here is an activity that might help your child uncover their unique likes and dislikes. Have them share their values by first listing ideas like, “I love it when…”; “I dislike when…”; “I feel sad when…,” etc. Then try to help them match these values to an emotional need. For example, if they wrote “I dislike when I can’t play outside” you could match this to an emotional need of being outdoors. Eventually your child will get more accustomed to expressing these needs verbally. This activity can help your child understand their emotional needs and come closer to finding their own voice in the world.

Writing can be such a powerful tool to highlight one’s unique perspective of the world. You can promote the practice of journaling in your child’s routine and allow them to explore, dream, work and play in a way only possible through writing.

Written by Laine J.

Creating the Ultimate Calm Down Kit: Using the Five Senses to Reset and Regulate

What is a calm down kit you ask? Well, a calm down kit is a tool that can be used to help children self-regulate, center themselves, and reset. Building a calm down kit does not have to be expensive or complicated. You and your child can create a simple and effective calm down kit by focusing on items that engage with the five senses. So, grab a basket, box or bag and let’s begin to curate the ultimate calm down kit!

Below are some ideas for items or activities that your child might enjoy placing in their calm down kit that correlate with each of the five senses: Sight, Touch, Listen, Smell, and Taste.

Sight:

Items to add to your child’s calm down basket that will appeal to the visual senses might include:

-breathing exercise cards

-glitter jar or snow globe

-I Spy book

-family photo album

Touch

Below are some tools to help your child engage with the sense of touch:

-fidget toy, like a Pop-It

-palm or scalp massager

-putty or slime

-stress ball

-sensory bag or pillow

-Rubik’s cube

-soft and cozy blanket

-if younger, a favorite stuffed animal

Listen:

Items that will create a sense of calmness through listening might include:

-headphones to listen to a calming playlist

-rainstick

-sound machine

-music box

-chimes or gentle bells

Smell:

Aromatherapy is a great way to immediately trigger a sense of calm. Here are some objects you can add to your child’s calm kit to ignite the sense of smell:

-essential oils

-nature scents

-lotions

-scented markers

-scratch and sniff stickers

-candles

-diffusers

Taste:

It’s always nice for your child to have a little treat or something appealing to their sense of taste:

-dark chocolate

-mints or gum

-tea

-hard candy or lollipop

-favorite quick snack

Other Items to Include:

Some other items you may want to think about including in your child’s calm down basket might include:

-mindfulness coloring books

-yoga pose cards

-small puzzles or crossword books

-gratitude or regular journal

-bubbles

Depending on your child’s age and general self-regulation needs, invite them to select about 8-12 items to place in their calm basket to start. Objects can be swapped out monthly or seasonally. After selecting items for the kit, set some boundaries about when and how to use it. Your child should find a special place to put their calm down kit, ideally in a quiet and comfortable environment. A good time to use this kit is whenever they are feeling overwhelmed or frustrated or experiencing any other big emotion.

Calm down kits should be used for around 10-15 minutes per session as a quick brain and emotional reset. During this time your child should choose 2-3 items that they are drawn toward and that they feel will help them regulate their emotions and lift their mood.

A calm down kit is a simple and effective tool for social and emotional regulation that can be added to your house today! Here is an example of a calm basket shared on Peak’s Instagram account.

Written by Laine J.

Self Regulation and Emotional Control: 5 Tips and Tools to Use at Any Age when Stress Gets High

We’ve all been there… the work has piled up, there isn’t enough time to complete everything and anything that can go wrong does. Yes, life can be full of stressful situations no matter who you are or what age! A key life skill is our ability to handle our emotions and self-regulate even at times where it may seem impossible. Self- regulation and emotional control are skills that most of us are, in fact, still developing each and every day. Similarly to how we strengthen our bodies at the gym, we must also practice our tools to de-stress and self-regulate on a regular basis. Below are five tools and tips to help improve these vital executive functioning skills at any age. 

1. Mindfulness and Breathing Exercises: Mindfulness and breathing exercises can be some of the most beneficial tools to work on our emotional control and handle all that life throws at us. The key is to practice them on a daily basis, not just when things get hard. Think of it this way, a professional athlete spends an enormous amount of time training for the big day, they don’t just show up at the game and expect to be good. Our minds work the same way. For younger children, the ‘take five’ breathing exercise is a great strategy for calming down. Have your child hold up their hand and trace each finger breathing in as they go up the finger and out as they go down. For older kids and adults, the 4-7-8 is an excellent breathing exercise to use daily. Breathe in through your nose for a count of four, hold at the top for 7 seconds and breathe out for a count of 8. Repeat this four times. By making these exercises a part of your daily routine now, you can have them in your toolkit when stress gets high.

2. Movement: The benefits of regular physical activity cannot be stressed enough. When we exercise our body gets endorphins, and as Elle Woods says it, endorphins make us happy. It is great to try to incorporate movement a little each day, but especially when life gets chaotic it is more beneficial than ever to stop, take a break and get some physical activity. Going for a walk or bike ride, doing twenty minutes of yoga, or having a ten-minute dance party break for the little ones (and little ones at heart) can all be excellent brain breaks and give us what we need when we are having trouble regulating our emotions.

3. Create a Calm Down Kit: When we feel stressed, we often want to be comforted. A great idea to help with this is to create a basket or kit that can help us calm down and feel at peace during these times. For little ones, the basket might include a stuffed animal, a fidget toy or small puzzle, a book of yoga cards, a sensory jar or play dough. For older kids, a calm down kit might include headphones for listening to your favorite music, a comforting snack, a mindful coloring book, a warm blanket or pillow, a candle or anything else that brings us the feeling of peace that we crave during times of stress.

4. Change up the Routine: If your child all of the sudden has a bunch of projects, multiple homework assignments and a test due in two days, cue the stress and emotional overload. A simple tool that can help is to change up your routine. This might mean working in a new environment like outside or at a coffee shop. Another option is to alternate the harder tasks with something different and fun— perhaps an activity in your calm down basket or a quick trip to get some ice cream!

5. Nourish Your Body: When we get stressed, we tend to forget about self-care and that impacts our ability to self-regulate and control our emotions. Make sure to drink extra water, eat whole foods, get plenty of sleep and exercise. We can also nourish our minds by doing something creative like a craft, spending time with family and friends, or watching a funny show or movie to give a good old dose of laughter.

Written by: Laine J.